I know I haven’t posted in a bajillion years guys.  No excuses, I’ve just been busy.  Drama, work, house work and celeb burn-out have kept me from you my lovelies.  However, this video has compelled me to post.  I’ve watched/listened to it more times than is sane.  Luckily, you and I both know that I’m not sane so no fucking problem right?

SFW

Can’t get this damn song out of my head

Diane and Quentin looking sexy…Awardsdaily

Okay maybe I have done coke because I’m absolutely addicted to Red bull…Bumpshack

Speaking of coke, this is pretty hilarious…YouTube

Note to self: never go to Russia for the food…Englishrussia

Pretty interesting!  Women’s BMIs Illustrated…Flickr

For you vadar lovers out there…Just-whatever

The most beautiful wedding pictures I’ve ever seen…Just-whatever

In case any of you hookers want to take a step back and be strippers…Stripper-faq

NSFW

I <3 Faye. And check out the “Fap”network-some good stuff…Redheadfap

Awesome. Pornfails.

If you haven’t seen this you’re life is incomplete…YouTube

This is seriously disturbing…Lolclits

A fetish that never would have occurred to me…Tissuequeens

You’ve heard of air guitar competitions but have you heard of air sex competitions?…Voiletblue

Oh! Guys getting their ASS BEAT.  My favvie!…Captivemale

There’s always going to be war and I’m always going to be getting off so I might as well!…Masturbateforpeace

Well look at this.  It’s Bai Ling looking almost de-de-de-demure?  Holy internets.  No animal print?  No nipple?  Muted nail polish and lipstick shades?  This is like me forming a complete sentence without throwin’ a fuck or dick in the middle of that cunt.  I knew it was theoretically possible, seeing that she has arms and legs to put into something that doesn’t showcase her tramp stamp but I’d have never thought it possible.

This just goes to show you that Bai Ling is more than you or I give her credit for.  If you don’t know what she does, that’s not important.  What’s important is this is a remarkable day in celebutard history; perhaps the beginning of a new era.  If Mariah Carey finds her way into something that covers her tits I’m buying a thesaurus.  Promises.

Somebody got their toofies done, doo-dah! Doo-dah!

Those shiny chompers gonna hurt someone, oh-doo-dah day!

Coated with LaBeouf’s cum, doo-dah! Doo-dah!

Trades a douche for another one, oh-doo-dah day!

What about her nooooose?

Doesn’t it look thinned?

I’ll bet my money on some botox scabs,

I’d still sit on her face.

* Did you guys know that Camptown Races was kinda racist?  I didn’t.  Although that did not stop it from running through my head all morning,  it will stop me from making fun of anymore celebs with it…Starting now.

I’m too lazy today so I’ll leave it to you perverts.

These pictures are not new.  I went out of my way to find them.  Be on high alert.  When you come to this site and my # 2 celebrity fave for clit abuse is in a post you must beware.  Be on the look out for a horny 29 y.o. brunette running about screaming for a dick nose and salad toss—it’s me and I mean to collect.

Mmmmmm…Adrien…MMMMmmmmm…The best part about reverse 69′ing and getting your salad tossed is that you get a little urethral massage.  Contrary to the assumption of almost every dude I’ve been finger banged by-I do not like my actual urethra and opening to the vaginal canal raked, guys.  If you’re brushing past with the intent of penetration, that’s fine.  If you’re rubbing your way up to the clit, that’s fine.  But don’t just rub there like it’s a magic button, it feels like you’re trying to put a tampon in.  A.K.A. not good.

I digress…What I’m saying is, if it has nails or is dry be gentle down there.  Just because you see the hole doesn’t mean you should pry at it like you’re trying to wash out the inside of a milk carton.  But if it’s a big beautiful dick nose-pry away!  Especially if you’re willing to do a little ruby star massage.  It’s a great combo.  Just keep in mind the previous advice I gave you earlier, you dirty tricks.  Wash your asses first.  I know you’re out there.

Here’s my #1 pick for 69′ing so long it turns into an infinity sign.

P.S. I just discovered there’s a electro-hop group out there called LMFAO.  That’s the lamest thing I’ve heard since Katy Perry said sharing bodily fluids with a stranger “is disgusting.” Pretty fucking lame.

Duuuuuuuuuuuude.  This sucks.  Back to work after doing nothing for 3 days is like the third month of a new relationship.  Sex isn’t as fun, you have to tell the person what you’re doing at all times and they expect you to do a bunch of weird shit like “care about their family issues” and “hug them after sex.”  Bummertown!

The only thing that is going to get me through today is listening to fun music.  Well that and ogling Cameron Diaz’s photoshopped gams in Vogue.  I’d say she makes me wanna diet but we all know there’s way too many calories in booze for that to happen.  Although, I heard about this chick in college who was anorexic and an alcoholic who would freeze vodka and crystal lite into ice cubes.  That way she’d get her buzz on with little to no calorie intake.  I should look into that…In the meanwhile, you should look into Little Boots: