I have this song in my head, naturally, because it’s Friday. Check out my new favvie blog HauteBlogXOXO. It’s the first time in a while I have read a blog and actually thought the person was funny. Plus there’s lots of making fun of fashion/fashion whores/models and the like.
Happy Friday you dirty, dirty whores you! Go out and make me proud this weekend! Make fuckie time and do some shit you can laugh about in 30 years! (and send pics to editor@extrawhoredinary.com—nudes preferably—only if you’re hot)
US Magazine is reporting that Jessica is binge drinking to deal with the pain of seeing John Mayer with Jennifer Aniston. They said she drank for four hours on May 10 and had to call her mom for a ride home. Huh?
Drinking for four hours and calling for a ride home is binge drinking!? Since when!? If that’s the case, I binge drank all day with my grandma, mom and aunt on Mother’s Day. Sheeeet…I binge drink on Leap Year, Thursdays and Rosh Hashanah too! Fill up my shofar with jagermeister I’m tyin’ one on!
I bet Jessica Simpson saw this story and was all “maybe I have a problem! I’m gonna call Daddy and have him put me in rehab!” ‘Cause she’s that co-dependent and that swayed by others opinions. That’s why she’s handling this break up bullshit so badly.
She needs to get a better vibrator and dig her blankey out storage. I wanted to crawl through the computer and give ‘er a lil’ shaken baby syndrome when I read her Glamour Magazine interview:
He reintroduced me to myself. I thought that I had to be deeper, more profound and more artsy. You change with the guys you date. [I thought] I had to be more intellectual. Come on—just be yourself! Tony taught me that because he loves me [as me]. He made me feel comfortable [being myself] again.
Can someone tell this woman-child that she can love herself without a dude givin’ her the thumbs up??? Penis, yeah, I understand the need… At some point you have say to yourself: “this douche bag treats me like shit; I’m out.” Paves! Smack her! And spread some nasty Romo and Mayer rumors like a good gay boyfriend should!
Today’s Natalie Morales interviewed Jack Black and Angelina Jolie who are promoting Kung Fu Panda. Jack spilled the beans that Angelina is having twins and Natalie asked what the sexes are. Now, I’m no great reader of body language but it looked like Angelina was going to do one of the following:
1. Jump across and gnaw through Natalie’s chest, rip out her still beating heart and devour it in front of her eyes while the life ebbed from her mutilated body. (my favorite for the promotion of a kid’s animated movie)
2. Start crying. (not likely as Angelina is too hot to cry and anyone knows once you become a mother of more than 2 kids there’s no time to cry)
3. Say “you stupid vapid cunt; what makes you think I’m going to tell you anything? Tell you what I will tell you: stop breathing, I’ll like you better that way. This interview is over.”
4. Smile demurely and comment that they’d like to keep that private.
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Yeah, I would have never picked 4 either. I gotta give it to Angie, she’s pregnant and I gotta assume—hungry. I would have at least bitten the bitch…just a lil’, just for the sweet, sweet taste of her ignoble blood.
Disney called, they saw the proof, they asked if you could spread your legs farther apart
You know? I’ve abstained from weighing in on this Miley Cyrus bullshit of a “controversy” because I don’t give a shit about teeny bopper Disney type things. My friend asked me what I thought about it and why I hadn’t posted on it and I told her that very thing, adding of course “I think my readers are more likely to be the typa pedophiles that wish she was more nekked than ones that care she had a naked back or showed part of her bra in a picture.”
Sad? Yes. True? Probably. I’m a scumbag and I’m going to hell. Guess what? I’m over it. But this milk ad!? Come on meow! Thank god they photoshopped out the pokies or this would over the top. *shaking head in disgust* Who they got doing PR for this lil’ girl? Josef F?
Kids are fucking at younger and younger ages. It happens, who knows why. *buggy eyes* The problem here is: her parents know she’s a horny little wench, they need to keep her on lock down and they aren’t doing it. They should only buy her sweaters and snow boots and scarves—lots and lots of scarves—and some thickass stockings!
My favorite scandalous back-stabbin’ bitch has her reality show a-goin’. In this clip her sister is giving her shit for never dating a dude outside of Hollywood or a dude that is a good person. I love her sister already. You can tell she’s the pretty, well-balanced one that let her hyper-active, less attractive (but no one noticed ’cause she always had her tits hanging out) sister get all the attention.
I love how at the end of the clip she says “you guys make me itch.” Sheeeah! Friends don’t make you itch; douchebag, Hollywood whores like Richie Sambora, make you itch. Lamisil! (’cause you know she likes to get toed every once and while)
SNL skewers Hills last weekend. They’re working all angles after Tina Fey’s “bitch is the new black” skit and Tracey Morgan’s follow-up comment “bitch may be the new black, but black is the new president, bitch.” Lovin’ all this bitchyness getting thrown back and forth! Someone’s gonna get smacked! I hope it’s in the arsal region. Yeow!
Know who this is??? Yeah… I didn’t either. Don’t magazines have fucking editors or something? Isn’t there someone in upper management that says to the intern: “Jessi, please put your triple skinny latte down and listen to me for a second. Please know that we value your extensive experience in photoshopping burn victims ‘before’ pictures for heart wrenching, Jenny Jones/Oprah/Tyra shows, but this has to stop. You can’t even tell that Fergie used to be a meth head anymore. Shit, you can’t even tell she was in a group called Wild Orchid!”
If they can make this bitch look this good, I bet Paris Hilton doesn’t even have a left eye. The laziness is just what all the photoshoppin’ couldn’t fix! I’d love it if photoshop was wiped out by a virus and Hairless Hilton had to rep for the pirate hookers and wear an eyepatch!
Dax Shepard, Kate Hudsons ex-teammate on Team Tonsil Hockey, is in the new movie When In Rome. Big fuckin’ deal right? Well, yeah, but look at the bod! Hotttt-ta-tahhhh…Commearrrr lil’ boyyyy…Mammy got something for you to put in your mouff! It rhymes with BAHGINA.
Portishead released their new video for The Rip for subscribers to their site. I got the special email, ’cause, well, I’m fuckin’ special. However, some asshole stole it and put it on YouTube so you can see it too. Sharing’s caring!
