You wanna know why I posted the least attractive picture I could find of Eva Longoria in her bikini? One acronym: P.M.S. My tits hurt, it’s winter, I haven’t exercised since October, I drink too much, it’s snowed here more than it has since 1954 and I feel like a whale choking on an elephant choking on hippo choking on Haagen-Dazs.
No, spell check…I don’t know how to make a fucking umlaut okay!?! Fuck umlauts anyways; anyone who enjoys this blog, knows what Haagen-Dazs is.
*ahem* I digress…Eva Longoria is vacationing somewhere wonderful in her bikini looking very shiny as usual. I hate her today. I hate her and anyone else who is shiny, sparkly, peppy, pretty, punctual, upbeat, on vacation, rich, or toned.
I will stop short of putting up little arrows pointing to what may or may not be cellulite, zits, in-grown hairs and under eye circles: I’ll let you do that for yourself. Fuck, if you can’t find them, shoot me an email; I’ve become a master at blacking out teeth and drawing mustaches in photoshop.
Viva La Cranky Whores!
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