Why wasn’t Jessica Simpson originally a country singer? She’s perfect for the NASCAR set: big titties, oblivious to privilege, no aversion to singing in a barn, in the back of a pickup truck or on a front porch. The Nascary people are probably half my family so I feel like I’m pretty fucking qualified to call this sort of thing. Jessica Simpson is the perfect hick fit and I’ll prove it:
What popular female songstress could you most easily picture watching a bunch of cars drive ’round and ’round and ’round in circles for HOURS and never tire?
Also, you hear she likes red meat right? You can be a bitch, a whore or both and hang out with the ole’ boys in the Pabst Posse but you ain’t gettin’ in if you don’t dig on dead animal. Pamela Anderson may be white trash but she wouldn’t last more than 10 minutes at my Mamu and Pumpa’s annual fish fry. Nosiree! Sheeht, I still bust their neighbors looking at me sideways when I drink wine or get too tan.
PASS ME THAT “SALAD” WITH ALL THE MAYO IN IT!
1 response so far ↓
1 teddy good times // Jul 14, 2008 at 9:01 am
did she get new milk bags?
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