Does anyone know what this woman really looks like? No, Nick Cannon doesn’t even know. I’ll bet she comes out of the bathroom in her nightie to a smoke machine; oh! and one’a them buckets they use to dump snow in movies but it’s peppering bronzer all over the room. Where does her real hair begin and end? I know those aren’t her eyelashes and I’ll be damned if she has blue eyes.
The Elle cover below is the one that has everyone’s panties in a twist ’cause the Photoshop-Bandit put her head back on crooked. She’s always covering her linebacker shoulders and the left side of her face in pictures—how do they know her head ain’t crooked in the first place?
NO ONE KNOWS FOR SURE and never will. When the medical examiner performs her autopsy he’ll be required to do it through a voile curtain with 18 humidifiers around the table. She’ll be buried in a casket that has a fully digitized picture of her on the front that looks exactly like she does in-that-fucking-Elle-cover, right there, ’cause that’s as good as it gets people.
3 responses so far ↓
1 msmolly // Jul 10, 2008 at 8:20 pm
I’m in a bitter mood, so editor, you can feel free to edit or delete this. I despise this photoshopped monstrosity no matter how you slice and dice her. This is how stupid Mariah Carey is: she spends her whole entire life trying to emulate the stereotypical white, blue eyed, blonde bombshell. Then I heard the stupid whore say in an interview “I’m so tired of being discriminated against for being black.” WHAT??!! First, I didn’t even know she was black until I was like 15. Second, how on earth are you being discriminated against? For some unearthly reason, you have millions of fans and millions of dollars! Your net worth would bring this country out of debt in a flash, but you have a hard life because your “black” and famous? That’s what caused your mental breakdown a few years ago?! Puhlease! Poor little Mimi, all you have to do is sing and sign pictures of your fake self, and you don’t even turn up for half that shit! What a rough life it must be. Grow up!
2 Schmallison // Jul 10, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Would you actually WANT to see what she looks like without photoshop?
I don’t use photoshop, personally, I prefer photo-”swap”, which is why all my myspace pics look like Gisele Bundchen. Dat’s because they ARE her!
3 Schmoldga // Jul 11, 2008 at 11:58 am
@ Msmolly- I didn’t know she was black till I was 17. And for her to attempt to pull the black cad is so exploitative of the prejudice that black people deal with on a daily basis but don’t get paid millions for that it makes me want to snatch her Hello Kitty diamonds off her chest and give them to a REAL black child in need of an education, or you know, an air mattress.
Irony of ironies that she maried a dark cocoa man; them bebbies won’t be passin’ that’s for sure.
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