US Magazine is reporting that Jessica is binge drinking to deal with the pain of seeing John Mayer with Jennifer Aniston. They said she drank for four hours on May 10 and had to call her mom for a ride home. Huh?
Drinking for four hours and calling for a ride home is binge drinking!? Since when!? If that’s the case, I binge drank all day with my grandma, mom and aunt on Mother’s Day. Sheeeet…I binge drink on Leap Year, Thursdays and Rosh Hashanah too! Fill up my shofar with jagermeister I’m tyin’ one on!
I bet Jessica Simpson saw this story and was all “maybe I have a problem! I’m gonna call Daddy and have him put me in rehab!” ‘Cause she’s that co-dependent and that swayed by others opinions. That’s why she’s handling this break up bullshit so badly.
She needs to get a better vibrator and dig her blankey out storage. I wanted to crawl through the computer and give ‘er a lil’ shaken baby syndrome when I read her Glamour Magazine interview:
He reintroduced me to myself. I thought that I had to be deeper, more profound and more artsy. You change with the guys you date. [I thought] I had to be more intellectual. Come on—just be yourself! Tony taught me that because he loves me [as me]. He made me feel comfortable [being myself] again.
Can someone tell this woman-child that she can love herself without a dude givin’ her the thumbs up??? Penis, yeah, I understand the need… At some point you have say to yourself: “this douche bag treats me like shit; I’m out.” Paves! Smack her! And spread some nasty Romo and Mayer rumors like a good gay boyfriend should!
4 responses so far ↓
1 Daddy // May 15, 2008 at 2:40 pm
shiiiit, i binge drink in my sleep. she just needs a deviant couple to show her how to play…
2 theprincess // May 15, 2008 at 2:43 pm
You’re just trying to get in my pants…
3 Tyjigga // May 16, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Bitch got no self-esteem.
Reminds of Katt Williams when he said, “It’s called self-esteem.! That’s esteem of ‘yo muthafuckin self! How can I affect how YOU feel about YOU simple bitch?”
Jessica needs Pimp Therapy.
4 Schmallison // May 16, 2008 at 1:31 pm
What Jessica needs, is some good motorboat therapy. So I am here to help! You may think that me motorboating Jessica’s funbags has no therapeutic merit, but I’ve already tried NOT motorboating her, and just look where it got us! We’ve got to try something!
Jessica: Call me!
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