So…I’m looking at these p.r. pictures of this model Joanna Krupa “and friend” at the Bellagio and something occurs to me that I must share. Now, I know you probably aren’t the bunch that’s gonna be runnin’ out getting face lifts and FrankenTitties but:
If you’re not meant to be a model, you-are-not-meant, to be a model. Please don’t try to buy beauty.
Be something else more valuable— shit! Like a mom! Or a professor! Or uhhhh…Business lady! Anything but a cast-off, attention whore clinger in L.A/Vegas/NYC like this chick. Someone tell her that no amount of make up/titties/clothes/tanner/starving/bleach or botox will make you look anywhere close to someone who is born looking like a model. Jesus, I wanna send her mom a card that says the following:
Dear Mom of pictured hobag lady:
I know that you probably worked two jobs as a single mom or put up with a hairy, farting, unappreciative husband. I know that, more than likely, pictured hobag girl had siblings and you made them all their lunches—everyday, for like, 13 years. I know that you hoped that your daughter with “the looks” would use those looks to enhance her life, not be it… But alas, it has all come to naught.
Instead of using said “looks” and emphasizing them with minimal make up and a healthy physique, she chose to get a chemical peel, her hair dyed and lip injections. Now, don’t blame yourself. You were too busy keeping multiple people alive. It’s the men in your life and society at large that should have given your brunette daughter (who was pretty without makeup) more hugs. Sorry.
I apologize that you worked so hard for nothing. Maybe she’ll settle down, clear up dem herpies and give you some cute grandbabies…We can hope. Enclosed is your renewed subscription to Racheal Ray’s magazine, Oprah’s book club membership and a year’s subscription to Cosmo to ease the pain. Oh, and courtesy of Extrawhoredinary, a big black dildo; ’cause, well…we keep it realz.
xo
Extra
P.S. Bad Friend
1 response so far ↓
1 schmallison // Jun 14, 2008 at 11:13 pm
That’s me in two years if I fail my PhD qualifier again. I’ve been practicing vacant expressions…I think it’s working!
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